What do women really want in a man? They may tell you and themselves they just want a good man/nice guy, however is that true?
Sort of, by what standards do you define a good man?
These days simply being a good man or nice guy isn’t enough by itself. What women really mean when they say they want a good man is that they’re looking for a man that fulfills a certain set of criteria, personal and societal. I’m generalizing of course.
What are women looking for?
Attraction! which can be gained from, physical appearance, sense of humor, confidence and even wealth. These things trigger that automated unconscious attraction within women. However none of these actually indicate whether a man is a good man or not, depending on how you define what is a good man or nice guy.
Another big factor in attraction is social status. Our perceived social status is affected by the above triggers, especially wealth, however they’re not necessary important or the sole reason for having high perceived social status. Again you don’t have to be a good man to have high social status.
The extroverted world
Modern western society places so much importance on extroverted qualities, and this need for extroversion, banter and constant humor is closely linked to social status and attraction. You see this shift in society and need for extroverted banter in movies, especially romantic comedies. Also many TV programs and even successful You Tube channels constantly trying to be funny, the hosts of the shows always laughing and bantering which often feels forced. Tried and tested formulas are being used to gain popularity from humor. Some of these formulas are being used so much it’s becoming obvious and tedious.
So much value, social status and popularity is placed on banter and being funny. It provides great opportunities for many of the extroverts of this world.
This influences many women in what they look for in a man. Many women will choose banter and extroverted personalities over qualities like honesty or integrity.
So when a woman says she is looking for a good man she doesn’t really mean it. She is mostly saying she is looking for a man that meets the above criteria which she finds attractive. Looks, humor, wealth and status trigger that automated attraction within her and she has no choice in the matter. It’s an emotional response that bears virtually no connection to good character traits such as honesty, being reliable, trustworthy, morality or having ethics, or generally being a decent guy. This can lead to what initially seems like a good relationship turning into a bad relationship when both parties truly get to know each other.
He may have only been good in terms of creating that initial emotional response or attraction. However he may lack in good character/personality traits and generally being a decent person. It’s normally the attraction and emotional response that wins. This is not to criticize women, men are almost always attracted to women based purely on looks and that physical automated attraction. So men are no better, perhaps worse.
Men must pursue and chase
Even if a man is able to gain that attraction, he is still expected to pursue and chase a woman. This is societal standards and pressure influencing how many people think. Even if she is attracted to a man, that’s still often not enough! he must still pursue her, why? Because that’s a common societal belief, it’s expected and conventional. It also provides an ego boost for her, it makes her feel desirable, perhaps even special and generally for-fills her need for attention . Plus it’s mostly risk free for her, risk from rejection
There are also plenty of men that will pursue her, so if one doesn’t, another will. That’s fair enough however this probably leads to many bad decisions on her part. She is choosing a partner because he made it easy for her. Getting an ego boost and because it was made easy doesn’t seem like a good reason to choose a partner, however that’s often the way it happens. Again this conflicts with the idea of women seeking a good man.
Are women looking for a good man?
For many women I would say no they’re not. Most women/people are largely influenced by their ego, societal standards, group/family pressures, automated responses, quick judgements, desire for attention and generalizations. Modern societal standards has applied so much importance on extroverted qualities, being out spoken and constant banter that other qualities, good qualities that many good men have are largely over looked.