Knowing When You Don’t Belong & When to Leave

How do you know when you don’t belong? Including situations, environments and groups of people. This might be obvious to some people. However, for others, for various different reasons, it’s a less straight forward issue.

Signals That You Don’t Belong

Low Energy

If you’re feeling low on energy, it could be due to the situation that you are in. This includes the surrounding people, and the environment. Introverts are known to feel that their energy is drained when they are in large groups of people. I also believe this is true when it comes to the other personality traits on the big five personality model.

For example, if someone is high on the openness trait, this partly determines what subjects interest that person. Someone who is high on trait openness likes to talk about big picture ideas and concepts. If this high openness person was in a group of people who were medium to low in trait openness, then the high openness person may feel out of place. A symptom of this may manifest as having low energy levels.

This will also be amplified if it’s combined with other personality trait differences. For example, a group of people that are high on extroversion, and around the middle on trait openness. An introvert that is very high on trait openness probably won’t feel comfortable in that group.    

Feelings of Frustration

As well as having low energy levels, you may also feel a sense of frustration when you are with people that differ greatly from you. This is because you cannot be your true self around these people. You can’t talk about the things that you want to talk about, and you can’t do the things that you really want to do. Basically, you can’t live your life the way you really want to. This restriction can cause frustration.

What to do?

You should follow your interests and passions. Because this will naturally bring you into alignment with people that share those interests. So, finding people and a place where you belong, or that caters more to your personality needs. This will naturally increase your energy levels and positive emotions.

However, the more unique your personality, the more difficult it will be to find similar-minded people.

If you don’t yet know your interests and passions, then some alone time, experimentation and self-discovery is likely needed. This is particularly true for those who are younger. You might need to try different things, research and open your mind to possibilities. 

This issue will likely only apply to a minority of people. Because the majority is motivated by social validation, conformity, and avoidance of alienation, and perhaps loneliness. These people will be roundabout in the middle of most personality and intelligence scales.

This will apply to those who are more on the extreme ends of the personality and intelligence scales.