Dating can be tough and finding that perfect partner or match is difficult for most. Someone that initially seems like the perfect match can turn into our worst enemy in the not too distant future, things can get messy quickly, and all because people don’t understand their own personality traits.
Looking for that spark
This is what most people are looking for, that physical attraction plus verbal and mental connection, this combines together which is sometimes referred to as that spark. Finding that connection maybe great in the beginning phase. However, once that spark starts to dim, you can end up with temperamentally very different people. Maybe it can still work with these differences, but often when these couples start to live with each other these temperamental differences will magnify.
Example problems of temperamental differences
Extrovert/Introvert – extroverts and introverts can get along just fine. However, if the differences are extreme, you will more than likely have conflicts about how much socializing you should be doing. An extrovert gets their energy from social groups and meeting new people. Introvert gets their energy from their quiet time. This can be an incompatible mix.
Orderliness – Someone high on the orderliness trait likes things clean and often organized. They may even be obsessively compulsive when it comes to cleanliness and/or symmety, the desire for cleanliness comes from being high in the emotion of disgust (disgust sensitive). People high and low in disgust sensitivity will find it particularly hard to live with each other. The disgust sensitive person will always be cleaning up after the other one, and it will drive them mad.
Agreeable – Those who are agreeable will often focus on doing things for other people. Compassion leads their thinking, and sometimes they will be taken advantage of because of their agreeable nature. Disagreeable people will often focus on their own needs, they are often blunt with people, not considering feelings, believing honesty, even if hurtful is the best way to go.
People high and low in agreeableness will struggle to get along. The agreeable person will find the disagreeable person non-compassionate, harsh and selfish. The disagreeable person will find the agreeable person too soft, a push over, they will see their overly compassionate nature as weak, and it will annoy the hell out of them.
Openness – People who differ greatly on the openness trait will see the world in very different ways. Those high in openness will be often be sensitive to aesthetics and abstract art, they’re likely to have very different tastes when it comes to interior design. Those high in openness with also naturally resist traditions and conventional thinking. The person high in openness with find those low in openness restrictive or even limited in their thinking, their decisions and tastes. People really high and low in openness will really struggle with understanding each other, and are likely to have very different tastes and interests.
Once that initial attraction or spark starts to fade, then these differences in temperaments will start to become apparent.
People who differ greatly on these traits will seriously struggle to understand each other, and may even drive each other crazy. You don’t have to find someone actually the same as you, sometimes differences can be good, you can learn from each other. However, if those differences are too great, it will likely end badly.
This will really be true with those who have high or even extreme traits. If the differences are just too great it’s just not going to work for very long.
How to find someone with similar traits?
Follow your interests and passions, they are likely to bring you into contact with similar minded people.
Online dating should be a good place. Once you know what your traits are, you will be able to pick up on things in their profiles that will give you clues to their temperament. Plus, it will give you some good ideas of some questions to ask.