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How to Overcome an Infatuation – Stop Obsessing Over Someone

Are you always thinking about someone and you want it to stop? Tips on how to overcome your obsessing thoughts. Stop letting an infatuation or an obsession over a girl or guy control your life. Obsessing and constantly thinking about someone is often mistaken for love or being in love with somebody, however they are different things.

How to overcome an Infatuation, stop obsessing over someone

The definition or meaning of infatuation

Infatuation is a short term almost obsessive interest in somebody, sometimes confused with love. Infatuation is an irrational need for somebody, similar to a strong crush or lust.

People who are infatuated or obsessed with somebody tend to become blinded by their feelings, only seeing the positive in that person. They often see certain situations to be more special than they really are and assign meaning to things when there is none. They often completely fail to see negative personality traits of the person that they are obsessed with.Are you infatuated or obsessed with someone

Having an infatuation for somebody is an emotional roller coaster. It can cause great joy, happiness and contentment however it can also be equally as bad causing great sadness, stress and emotional pain.

How to know if you are infatuated?

  • Are you constantly thinking or day dreaming about that person?
  • Does the thought of being away from them, in another country for example cause you emotional distress?
  • Do you feel the need to spy on that person, or even stalk them?

Tips to overcome an infatuation & stop obsessing

Firstly understand the difference between love and infatuation because infatuation is often mistaken for love. Love involves knowing a person very well, understanding their positives and their flaws. Infatuation is blind, irrational and you can be infatuated with somebody you barely know or have never even met.

Understand mental projection, because some of these great qualities that we see in someone is largely just projecting our own good qualities onto them. So that would mean in some ways we are actually obsessed with ourselves.overcome an obsession with someone

Understand your infatuation is not unique. It may seem unique to you, especially if it’s the first time you have felt that way. However these feelings are very common, there will be thousands of people feeling the exact same way for someone else. Plus you will probably feel the exact same way for somebody else in the not too distant future (try to avoid this!).

Understand what is happening to your brain when you feel that way. When the infatuation starts your brain starts to produce dopamine which is a natural stimulate, it changes the wiring in our brains, it also increases the body’s production of adrenaline. The effects on our brains has been described as similar to the effects of cocaine.

Work to improve your self esteem and self image. Low self esteem can be a big factor in why some people develop infatuations for people. Often people will assign higher status to others, putting them on a pedestal.

When we develop an infatuation for somebody, especially if you don’t actually know that person very well we create an image of that person, an idealistic version of them. However this idealistic person is nothing more than a fantasy, a creation of our own imagination, we create the perfect person or situation. So the infatuation that can develop for someone is only actually an infatuation with an almost imaginary person, a person that doesn’t actually exist.

If that person does something that doesn’t fit in with that self created imaginary person or situation. The idealistic image will be broken and the infatuation can disappear just as quickly as it was created.

More Tips

  • Meet new people.
  • Take up new hobbies.
  • Create new distractions.
  • Keep your life busy and active.

Infatuations are simply obsessions that can be very dangerous if they go out of control. Don’t let what is only a short term brain chemical reaction effect your life negatively.

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24 thoughts on “How to Overcome an Infatuation – Stop Obsessing Over Someone

  1. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone.
    I’m usually the type of woman to screw a guy and move on quickly and not care.
    But this guy I am infatuated with, he’s so perfect in every way, hes sexy, hes smart, his voice sends chills down my spine.
    It’s been two days since I’ve heard from him and it’s killing me. I can’t stop imagining him or wanting to be with him. My dignity won’t bare for me to call or text him first in fear of rejection.
    I’m so above clouds when I am with him. When I’m not I’m a wreck. I’ve never felt this way about a guy, I’m going crazy. I feel so mentally unstable.

    1. Hi Liz
      When we like someone we project our own good qualities onto that person which can make them seem perfect, however the reality can be very different. That perfect image often changes the better we get to know someone or the more we find out about them.

      Understanding these things can help, also never put anybody on a pedestal, this can be a self esteem issue and distract yourself as much as possible.

    2. I know this comment is old… but what if this isn’t an infatuation, and it’s love.
      This is what I’m struggling to cope with. What even if it is infatuation, but they feel the same way, because that’s what sparks do. What if it’s the beginning of something special?

    3. since its happened with me several times I can tell its nothing more than infatuation.do no mistake it for love.Even I go through it often.But its short-lived.try to keep yourself busy.take some time out for your hobbies.go out meet new people,hang out with friends and the most important thing disconnect yourself from that person.do not keep any contact with that person.

  2. What are you supposed to do if you know the other person isn’t perfect. I think I am infatuated with someone but this says in that case I should only see the positive. I know the person’s negative points and accept them as well so what does that say?

    It bugs me that we are currently on opposite ends of the world (met through study abroad) and I can’t even just meet up with them. The problem is I can’t seem to even tell them that I liked them at all. Because I’m constantly questioning myself, I try not to obsess over them but it keeps happening and I want it to stop. Which points to infatuation.

    It’s not like I can just go over there any time, plane tickets are expensive to get from here to there. ( which sucks because i actually enjoyed my time in that country and want to go back anyway because I didn’t finish exploring it)

    I also find myself getting annoyed when this person will like all of our mutual friends posts but never likes any of mine unless I tagged their name in it. (Petty I know I wish I could stop this since this person is the ONLY person who I’m like this towards all of our mutual friends it’s ok if sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t). I also find myself getting angry when those mutual friends keep trying to get them together with another one of our mutual friends, which screams jealousy on my end. The thing is although our mutual friends have been doing this for months (trying to get them together with another mutual friend) there has been no progress but it hurts that they’d rather have this person get together with the other mutual friend rather than me.

    Then I remember the fact that I AM halfway across the world. Unless they are doing that to get his mind off of me. But then I don’t even have that information because I never asked. This other person is kind of on the shy side and gets affected by things easily so I worry about being too direct with them, because last time I did that I made them nervous and I felt horrible about it. A few days later we acted as if that never happened.

    >_<

    1. Hi it’s more like being perfect for you, or thinking that the situation or relationship is more special than it is, rather than actually being perfect in every way.

      I understand how hard this can be to deal with from personal experience. This is easier said than done but you must try and distract yourself, follow passions and meet some new people.

      Obsessions are unhealthy and the best way to avoid obsessing over someone is to have options. So change your life if you need to, develop the right life skills until you can get what you want.

  3. I just stumbled on this article.
    I think I need help. I so obsessed with this guy I write for. I’m a freelance writer, and he gives me so much attention. He is way older (40 and I’m 22), I had never thought I’d be infatuated with a guy who is my dad’s age. I can’t seem to stop fantasizing about him, he tells me things and always expresses his interest in meeting me. I like the way he texts me, it’s so personal and I can feel that he wants me.

    I have a guy whom I totally love, and this infatuation is making me feel so guilty of emotional unfaithfulness. Every time I look at the only pic I have of him I try to remind myself that he ain’t even good looking but that totally disappears in a second; He says I’m beautiful and despite the fact that I’ve been told this a million times it sweeps me off my feet in a way that is so blissful. He tells me that he dreams about me and I try to convince myself that he is lying and taking advantage of the fact that I couldn’t find out.

    I just can’t stop thinking about him; I like him a lot..too much.. I just can’t stop.. he appreciates me in a way that sends chills down my spine… his words are like soft kisses all over my body. When I close my eyes all I see is him. I don’t want to live like this.. I don’t want to wait for his text like its the last drop of water.. I don’t want to smile sheepishly any more.. I want this lust to go away… but it’s s blissful.. I know its stupid and I’ve got to stop. Maybe I have daddy issues, LOL.
    What should I do?

    1. Hi.
      You have probably never had a guy talk to you that way before, try to understand that despite how you feel your obsession is largely happening due to inexperience, especially if you have only ever seen one picture of him. If you care a lot about your current guy it’s not worth it, it would probably be a disappointment and something that you regretted. There is not necessarily anything wrong with giving into an obsession but in this case because you have never met him, plus you could ruin a good relationship.

      The fantasy would probably be better than the reality, my advice would be not to risk it. Fully understand that what you are feeling is nothing special and mostly irrational, it’s just the mind playing tricks due to inexperience.

  4. Hi. I don’t understand why I always think about him even when I keep on telling myself not to. It’s really hard for me because I feel so emotionally affected whenever we don’t see or talk. Is it normal to continuously think of him like almost every moment?. I can’t seem to stop myself to think if he also feel the same way about me. I’m so confused right now. I always feel like i wanted to see him and talk to him everyday.. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi yes it’s normal when you are in that infatuated state I have been there. Try to understand that it’s just your mind playing tricks on you and It will pass in time. It’s only an idealistic image your mind has created of that person or situation.

      Reading about or talking to others who have been in a similar situation may help you control it. Self talk/affirmations can also be very good for helping to control your feelings. Also try to objectify and pick apart your feelings, if you can understand the way you are feeling in a rational way, you should be able to control your emotions better.

      Be strong and positive and you will get over it.

  5. I’m obsessed over this girl who I met back in high school and it’s seriously affecting my life in every way.
    Back in high school,my friends thought there was something going on between us and she didn’t really liked that idea and thought I was the one who told my friend something.The end was that our friendship which was barely two months old ended and we weren’t talking to each other anymore.
    After high school I tried forgetting about her until I got her contact.When I called,she was soo happy and I also realized she never forgot about me and found out she even tried getting in touch with me.That recandled my feelings for her.But I’m still confused whether this girl even cares about me because she’s never called since we met now,I’m the only one who does the calling.I know that can be a reason to forget about her but I don’t think i’m ready to ‘lose’ her.
    One thing is that unlike other people who see only the positive side of their ‘crush’,I see her negative side like her temper but she’s way too beautiful and smart to be easily forgotten.
    I think I can’t get over her but I seriously want to because it’s really taking my from my books and besides she’s not the only girl I’ve felt for but this one is soo different from the others and it’s also the longest.I’m really confused as to what to do.
    So what do you suggest I do?

    1. Hi there are many things that you can do which can help like objectifying your feelings and truly understanding why you are feeling that way. Knowledge about what is going on with your emotions can help to keep them under control.

      However the single best piece of advice I could give was to meet other girls and get some new options. Attractive girls have so many options, so many guys to choose from and they don’t even have to work for it, it makes it a lot less likely that they will get obsessed with a guy as easy.

      If you wanted it to work with this particular girl you would have to build attraction and one way to build attraction is to be a guy who does have options with other girls. Not much kills attraction quicker than a guy seeming desperate or needy. So talking to other girls will help in many ways.

  6. What is the normal time taken to overcome this situation ? I’m infatuated to my wife’s best friend. It all started a week back when we all in a party were drunk and dancing together. When no one was around, to my surprise she suddenly kissed me passionately and flung away. Initially I took it lightly as she was drunk but with each passing day I’m getting emotionally inclined towards her more and more. Trying to keep myself busy with work, exercise, music but can’t concentrate in anything. Controlling myself not to call, text or see her but don’t know how long it will take to come back to my normal happy life.

    1. Infatuations can take weeks or even months to fade and they can also disappear very suddenly. Our minds create an idealistic image about the situation and person. If you can break that image it may suddenly disappear however that’s not something you can just trigger. If you did see her and she wasn’t interested in something more happening, then that could break that idealistic image and solve your problem. However that’s a personal choice for you which could go in different directions.

      You may have to wait it out, something you could try is really thinking about and picking apart why you are feeling this way, this type of excitement is obviously something that your subconscious is craving. A type of self talk/affirmations may also help you to control your feelings.

  7. Thanks for the tips!!
    I was so obsessed with a girl in my team.
    Just want to overcome this infatuation and start concentrating on other important aspects of life.

  8. This one is hard. He has been one of my dearest friends for 17 years. Since college. We liked each other well then, with some attraction, but mutually opted for a beautiful friendship instead. The friendship love is deep, and felt by both of us. We’ve been friends through marriages, kids, and now divorces. Mutual friends, mutual interests, and all those things that make the obsessive love on my part feel more real.

    It started for me last summer, when he left his wife of over a decade, due to miserable breakdown of communication and care on both their parts. No infidelity, just a poor match from the very start, married far too fast (in their mutual infatuated state – all of us on the outside could see it was not healthy.) His depression left him bedridden, unable to leave the house, afraid of the world, and he reached out to me. I helped him get to a clinic, and get antidepressants, although, he never followed through with therapy. Like a best friend, I was there round the clock for him (in text or phone, not physically) in his depression. I work for myself, so could take this time. We spoke of very deep things for months while waiting for the meds to work. In that time, my feelings grew immensely. Before the meds kicked in, so did his feelings.

    Of course, this is terrible timing. And since meds kicked in, his feelings are definitely back to close friendship level, whereas mine are into obsessive infatuation range. Its been a year, and still there. Harder, because I DO deeply know him, his faults, his failability, his family and life. There is real love there, under this obsessive need. I need a way past it, to be happy with the mutual friendship, tinged with attraction as it always was before. I’m busy constantly, but as I work in a similar field as him, even work makes me think of him. I’m used to consulting him in business, as well as in friendship.

    We’ve spoken of it. I acknowledge that the crazy deep feelings are one sided, even though the loving friendship is mutual, and even deeper.

    I /know/ he will need years to recover from divorce. He needs the friend, not the wannabe lover my brain is stuck on. Help. I don’t like feeling this way. The non stop thoughts, no matter what i am doing and who I am meeting.

    1. Hi Beth hope you’re doing well.

      Infatuations are largely the result of idealistic thinking and some of us are more prone to this way of thinking that others. Assigning meaning to events and situations. People who suffer with this the worst are usually intuitive, inward and deep thinking people.

      Learning to become more in the present and paying close attention to details can help to prevent the mind from being so inward thinking. Inward thinking is where idealistic thinking is born. In the Myers Briggs Personality Type Indicator this is known as the Sensing function which can be developed.

      Infatuations are a strong (irrational) need for someone, whether you know the person well or not. It’s just even more irrational if someone doesn’t know that person well. Rational objective thinking is always a good defence for irrational thinking. Turning rational thoughts into affirmations/positive statements that you can repeat over and over again can be very effective.

      Also it’s possible this type of obsessive thinking is connected to an anxiety disorder such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) have you ever had any issues with OCD?

  9. Hi i need some guidance that could really help my situation right now, im dating a girl but she has a 5 years relationship with a guy and by the way im also a girl . I just recently know that shes cheating with his boyfriend, i even ask her why shes doing that but she keeps on saying i dont know that can it be that she love me and his boyfriend. I cant let go of her because i feel that she needs a person to be with her to remind her to chill or be positive shes very a hard working woman. Were like bestfriends but lately i think about her too much that its affecting my work and my life. My friends are asking why am i still staying and the only thing im thinking why is because i want her to know that theres so many guys out there unlike her boyfriend right whos very childish, insecure and even a mama’s boy. I think she feel obligated because of the 5 years relationship, but really i dont know what to do. Im stuck between staying coz i know she needs a friend and saying goodbye because this is complicated. I need your opinion, i havent been in relationship deep like this before lets just say im also an inexperience when it comes to commitment, and im really thankful if you guys help me out.

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