How to Get Over an Infatuation – Stop Obsessing Over Someone

Are you always thinking about someone and you want it to stop? Tips on how to get over an infatuation and overcome your obsessing thoughts. Stop letting an infatuation or an obsession over a girl or guy control your life. Obsessing and constantly thinking about someone is often mistaken for love or being in love with somebody. However, they are different things.

Definition or meaning of infatuation

Infatuation is a short-term almost obsessive interest in somebody, sometimes confused with love. Infatuation is an irrational need for somebody, similar to a strong crush or lust.

People who are infatuated or obsessed with somebody tend to become blinded by their feelings, only seeing the positive in that person. They often see certain situations as more special than they really are and assign meaning to things when there is none. They often completely fail to see the negative personality traits of the person that they are obsessed with.

Having an infatuation with somebody is an emotional roller coaster. It can cause great joy, happiness and contentment. However, it can also be equally as bad, causing great sadness, stress and emotional pain.

How to know if you are infatuated?

  • Are you constantly thinking or day dreaming about that person?
  • Does the thought of being away from them, in another country for example cause you emotional distress?
  • Do you feel the need to spy on that person, or even stalk them?

How to get over an infatuation & stop obsessing over someone

Love or Infatuation?

Firstly understand the difference between love and infatuation, because infatuation is often mistaken for love. Love involves knowing a person very well, understanding their positives and their flaws. Infatuation is blind, irrational, and you can be infatuated with somebody you barely know, or have never even met.

Are you projecting?

Understand mental projection, because some of these great qualities that we see in someone is largely just projecting our own good qualities onto them. So that would mean in some ways we are actually obsessed with ourselves.

Infatuation is common

Understand your infatuation is not unique. It may seem unique to you, especially if it’s the first time you have felt that way, but these feelings are very common. There will be thousands of people feeling the exact same way for someone else. Plus you will probably feel the exact same way for somebody else in the not too distant future (try to avoid this!).

Your Biology

Understand what is happening to your brain when you feel that way. When the infatuation starts, your brain starts to produce dopamine which is a natural stimulate, it changes the wiring in our brains, it also increases the body’s production of adrenaline. The effect on our brains has been described as similar to the effects of cocaine.

Low self esteem

Work to improve your self-esteem and self-image to get over infatuation, or prevent it from happening in the first place. Having a low self-esteem can be a big factor in why some people develop infatuations for people. Often people will assign higher social status to others, putting them on a pedestal.

You need to work on being the center of your own universe and being on top of your own pedestal. To help achieve this, you can work on improving yourself, physically and mentally. Those who are high on trait neuroticism can struggle with their confidence and overall negative emotions. See the big five traits for more on this.

Idealistic Fantasy

Are you infatuated or obsessed with someone

When we develop an infatuation for somebody, especially if you don’t actually know that person very well we create an image of that person, an idealistic version of them. However, this idealistic person is nothing more than a fantasy, a creation of our own imagination, we create the perfect person or situation. So the infatuation that can develop for someone is only actually an infatuation with an almost imaginary person, a person that doesn’t actually exist.

If that person does something that doesn’t fit in with that self created imaginary person or situation, the idealistic image will be broken and the infatuation can disappear just as quickly as it was created.

Inward Thinkers

Some people are naturally more inward thinking and self-reflective than others. If that inward thinking starts to focus on a particular person, it can increase the chance of an infatuation developing. Inward thinkers are more likely to over think a situation, and assign meaning to events that might not be there, and more likely to focus their thoughts on a particular person.

There is a personality type known as sensor or intuitive. The strong intuitive types are often in their heads assigning meaning to situations and events. The strong sensor types are paying a great deal of attention to their surrounding, paying attention to details and living in the moment. Strong sensors are less likely to develop infatuations, or get over infatuations quicker because they generally don’t over think, they don’t have the time to over think, they’re too busy paying attention to the now.

If you’re a strong intuitive, (especially an introverted intuitive), you can work on your sensing function. To do this, simply start practicing living in the moment, being observant and paying attention to details. You will have to consciously work at this. However, it should become more natural in time.

If you’re very introverted, it would also be recommended to work on your extroverted side to improve those skills.

More quick tips on how to get over an infatuation

  • Meet new people.
  • Take up new hobbies.
  • Create new distractions.
  • Keep your life busy and active.

Infatuations are simply obsessions that can be very dangerous if they go out of control. Don’t let what is only a short term brain chemical reaction affect your life negatively.

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      1. How do I get over an infatuation with someone that I was with for only a few days. We had a whirlwind romance while I was on vacation in Mexico. He seemed to do and say everything right and wanted me to come back and visit as much as possible. We stayed in touch for a week after I returned to the us. We both expressed how much we missed each other then all of the sudden, he ghosted. I’ve gone through all the steps in this article but I can’t seem to shake this. I just wish I could talk to him one more time, but I have no way to contact him. Please help!

        1. HI. I’m not saying this is the case, however when you say he seemed to do and say everything right, it suggests to me that he might be a bit of a player type. They know exactly what to say, often using scripted lines. If this is the case, he is not the person that you developed feelings for, perhaps that knowledge alone will help.

  1. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone.
    I’m usually the type of woman to screw a guy and move on quickly and not care.
    But this guy I am infatuated with, he’s so perfect in every way, hes sexy, hes smart, his voice sends chills down my spine.
    It’s been two days since I’ve heard from him and it’s killing me. I can’t stop imagining him or wanting to be with him. My dignity won’t bare for me to call or text him first in fear of rejection.
    I’m so above clouds when I am with him. When I’m not I’m a wreck. I’ve never felt this way about a guy, I’m going crazy. I feel so mentally unstable.

    1. Hi Liz
      When we like someone we project our own good qualities onto that person which can make them seem perfect. However, the reality can be very different. That perfect image often changes the better we get to know someone or the more we find out about them.

      Understanding these things can help, also never put anybody on a pedestal, this can be a self esteem issue and distract yourself as much as possible.

    2. I know this comment is old… but what if this isn’t an infatuation, and it’s love.
      This is what I’m struggling to cope with. What even if it is infatuation, but they feel the same way, because that’s what sparks do. What if it’s the beginning of something special?

      1. If someone is obsessively thinking about someone and finds it difficult to think about anything else, then it’s an infatuation. It sometimes takes experience to understand the difference between the two.

        Could real love come from a mutual infatuation? yeah it could, it could turn into something special. However, this article is about understanding them and getting over infatuations that are one way, which causes someone distress.

    3. since its happened with me several times I can tell its nothing more than no mistake it for love.Even I go through it often.But its short-lived.try to keep yourself busy.take some time out for your hobbies.go out meet new people,hang out with friends and the most important thing disconnect yourself from that not keep any contact with that person.

    4. Hi Liz, I’m feeling that way myself about a guy and I wondered how you’re doing now? Three years on? Did it work out? Are you now over him and moved on? If so, how???

  2. What are you supposed to do if you know the other person isn’t perfect. I think I am infatuated with someone but this says in that case I should only see the positive. I know the person’s negative points and accept them as well so what does that say?

    It bugs me that we are currently on opposite ends of the world (met through study abroad) and I can’t even just meet up with them. The problem is I can’t seem to even tell them that I liked them at all. Because I’m constantly questioning myself, I try not to obsess over them but it keeps happening and I want it to stop. Which points to infatuation.

    It’s not like I can just go over there any time, plane tickets are expensive to get from here to there. ( which sucks because i actually enjoyed my time in that country and want to go back anyway because I didn’t finish exploring it)

    I also find myself getting annoyed when this person will like all of our mutual friends posts but never likes any of mine unless I tagged their name in it. (Petty I know I wish I could stop this since this person is the ONLY person who I’m like this towards all of our mutual friends it’s ok if sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t). I also find myself getting angry when those mutual friends keep trying to get them together with another one of our mutual friends, which screams jealousy on my end. The thing is although our mutual friends have been doing this for months (trying to get them together with another mutual friend) there has been no progress but it hurts that they’d rather have this person get together with the other mutual friend rather than me.

    Then I remember the fact that I AM halfway across the world. Unless they are doing that to get his mind off of me. But then I don’t even have that information because I never asked. This other person is kind of on the shy side and gets affected by things easily so I worry about being too direct with them, because last time I did that I made them nervous and I felt horrible about it. A few days later we acted as if that never happened.


    1. Hi it’s more like being perfect for you, or thinking that the situation or relationship is more special than it is, rather than actually being perfect in every way.

      I understand how hard this can be to deal with from personal experience. This is easier said than done but you must try and distract yourself, follow passions and meet some new people.

      Obsessions are unhealthy and the best way to avoid obsessing over someone is to have options. So change your life if you need to, develop the right life skills until you can get what you want.

    2. You should tell them how you feel.
      Even if you are rejected, at least the pain of the infatuation will end.

    3. Hey Chris,I really dont know the whole story but I suggest that you should redirect your focus to other things such as self growth and self esteem.You need to look for yourself,after all you only have yourself in the end.So I suggest that you do some fun activities that can distract your thinking from this person.Dont waste your time and energy from things you cannot control,pray instead,talk to the one who really knows and understands why everything in this world is happening even if you feel like you can’t express your feelings at all.Breathe and trust that everything happens for a reason and sometimes its for your own good.God Bless you Chris! God is watching over you.BREATHE and TRUST.

  3. I just stumbled on this article.
    I think I need help. I so obsessed with this guy I write for. I’m a freelance writer, and he gives me so much attention. He is way older (40 and I’m 22), I had never thought I’d be infatuated with a guy who is my dad’s age. I can’t seem to stop fantasizing about him, he tells me things and always expresses his interest in meeting me. I like the way he texts me, it’s so personal and I can feel that he wants me.

    I have a guy whom I totally love, and this infatuation is making me feel so guilty of emotional unfaithfulness. Every time I look at the only pic I have of him I try to remind myself that he ain’t even good looking but that totally disappears in a second; He says I’m beautiful and despite the fact that I’ve been told this a million times it sweeps me off my feet in a way that is so blissful. He tells me that he dreams about me and I try to convince myself that he is lying and taking advantage of the fact that I couldn’t find out.

    I just can’t stop thinking about him; I like him a lot..too much.. I just can’t stop.. he appreciates me in a way that sends chills down my spine… his words are like soft kisses all over my body. When I close my eyes all I see is him. I don’t want to live like this.. I don’t want to wait for his text like its the last drop of water.. I don’t want to smile sheepishly any more.. I want this lust to go away… but it’s s blissful.. I know its stupid and I’ve got to stop. Maybe I have daddy issues, LOL.
    What should I do?

    1. Hi.
      You have probably never had a guy talk to you that way before, try to understand that despite how you feel your obsession is largely happening due to inexperience, especially if you have only ever seen one picture of him. If you care a lot about your current guy it’s not worth it, it would probably be a disappointment and something that you regretted. There is not necessarily anything wrong with giving into an obsession but in this case because you have never met him, plus you could ruin a good relationship.

      The fantasy would probably be better than the reality, my advice would be not to risk it. Fully understand that what you are feeling is nothing special and mostly irrational, it’s just the mind playing tricks due to inexperience.

  4. Hi. I don’t understand why I always think about him even when I keep on telling myself not to. It’s really hard for me because I feel so emotionally affected whenever we don’t see or talk. Is it normal to continuously think of him like almost every moment?. I can’t seem to stop myself to think if he also feel the same way about me. I’m so confused right now. I always feel like i wanted to see him and talk to him everyday.. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi yes it’s normal when you are in that infatuated state I have been there. Try to understand that it’s just your mind playing tricks on you and It will pass in time. It’s only an idealistic image your mind has created of that person or situation.

      Reading about or talking to others who have been in a similar situation may help you control it. Self talk/affirmations can also be very good for helping to control your feelings. Also try to objectify and pick apart your feelings, if you can understand the way you are feeling in a rational way, you should be able to control your emotions better.

      Be strong and positive and you will get over it.

  5. I’m obsessed over this girl who I met back in high school and it’s seriously affecting my life in every way.
    Back in high school,my friends thought there was something going on between us and she didn’t really liked that idea and thought I was the one who told my friend something.The end was that our friendship which was barely two months old ended and we weren’t talking to each other anymore.
    After high school I tried forgetting about her until I got her contact.When I called,she was soo happy and I also realized she never forgot about me and found out she even tried getting in touch with me.That recandled my feelings for her.But I’m still confused whether this girl even cares about me because she’s never called since we met now,I’m the only one who does the calling.I know that can be a reason to forget about her but I don’t think i’m ready to ‘lose’ her.
    One thing is that unlike other people who see only the positive side of their ‘crush’,I see her negative side like her temper but she’s way too beautiful and smart to be easily forgotten.
    I think I can’t get over her but I seriously want to because it’s really taking my from my books and besides she’s not the only girl I’ve felt for but this one is soo different from the others and it’s also the longest.I’m really confused as to what to do.
    So what do you suggest I do?

    1. Hi there are many things that you can do which can help like objectifying your feelings and truly understanding why you are feeling that way. Knowledge about what is going on with your emotions can help to keep them under control.

      However, the single best piece of advice I could give was to meet other girls and get some new options. Attractive girls have so many options, so many guys to choose from and they don’t even have to work for it, it makes it a lot less likely that they will get obsessed with a guy as easy.

      If you wanted it to work with this particular girl you would have to build attraction and one way to build attraction is to be a guy who does have options with other girls. Not much kills attraction quicker than a guy seeming desperate or needy. So talking to other girls will help in many ways.

  6. What is the normal time taken to overcome this situation ? I’m infatuated to my wife’s best friend. It all started a week back when we all in a party were drunk and dancing together. When no one was around, to my surprise she suddenly kissed me passionately and flung away. Initially I took it lightly as she was drunk but with each passing day I’m getting emotionally inclined towards her more and more. Trying to keep myself busy with work, exercise, music but can’t concentrate in anything. Controlling myself not to call, text or see her but don’t know how long it will take to come back to my normal happy life.

    1. Infatuations can take weeks or even months to fade and they can also disappear very suddenly. Our minds create an idealistic image about the situation and person. If you can break that image it may suddenly disappear, but that’s not something you can just trigger. If you did see her and she wasn’t interested in something more happening, then that could break that idealistic image and solve your problem. However, that’s a personal choice for you which could go in different directions.

      You may have to wait it out, something you could try is really thinking about and picking apart why you are feeling this way, this type of excitement is obviously something that your subconscious is craving. A type of self talk/affirmations may also help you to control your feelings.

  7. Thanks for the tips!!
    I was so obsessed with a girl in my team.
    Just want to overcome this infatuation and start concentrating on other important aspects of life.

  8. This one is hard. He has been one of my dearest friends for 17 years. Since college. We liked each other well then, with some attraction, but mutually opted for a beautiful friendship instead. The friendship love is deep, and felt by both of us. We’ve been friends through marriages, kids, and now divorces. Mutual friends, mutual interests, and all those things that make the obsessive love on my part feel more real.

    It started for me last summer, when he left his wife of over a decade, due to miserable breakdown of communication and care on both their parts. No infidelity, just a poor match from the very start, married far too fast (in their mutual infatuated state – all of us on the outside could see it was not healthy.) His depression left him bedridden, unable to leave the house, afraid of the world, and he reached out to me. I helped him get to a clinic, and get antidepressants, although, he never followed through with therapy. Like a best friend, I was there round the clock for him (in text or phone, not physically) in his depression. I work for myself, so could take this time. We spoke of very deep things for months while waiting for the meds to work. In that time, my feelings grew immensely. Before the meds kicked in, so did his feelings.

    Of course, this is terrible timing. And since meds kicked in, his feelings are definitely back to close friendship level, whereas mine are into obsessive infatuation range. Its been a year, and still there. Harder, because I DO deeply know him, his faults, his failability, his family and life. There is real love there, under this obsessive need. I need a way past it, to be happy with the mutual friendship, tinged with attraction as it always was before. I’m busy constantly, but as I work in a similar field as him, even work makes me think of him. I’m used to consulting him in business, as well as in friendship.

    We’ve spoken of it. I acknowledge that the crazy deep feelings are one sided, even though the loving friendship is mutual, and even deeper.

    I /know/ he will need years to recover from divorce. He needs the friend, not the wannabe lover my brain is stuck on. Help. I don’t like feeling this way. The non stop thoughts, no matter what i am doing and who I am meeting.

    1. Hi Beth hope you’re doing well.

      Infatuations are largely the result of idealistic thinking and some of us are more prone to this way of thinking that others. Assigning meaning to events and situations. People who suffer with this the worst are usually intuitive, inward and deep thinking people.

      Learning to become more in the present and paying close attention to details can help to prevent the mind from being so inward thinking. Inward thinking is where idealistic thinking is born. In the Myers Briggs Personality Type Indicator this is known as the Sensing function which can be developed.

      Infatuations are a strong (irrational) need for someone, whether you know the person well or not. It’s just even more irrational if someone doesn’t know that person well. Rational objective thinking is always a good defence for irrational thinking. Turning rational thoughts into affirmations/positive statements that you can repeat over and over again can be very effective.

      Also it’s possible this type of obsessive thinking is connected to an anxiety disorder such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) have you ever had any issues with OCD?

      1. I am married (unfulfilled though) and became infatuated with a guy coworker (single). I have Just left my job which was a relief as seeing him everyday and trying to just be friends was driving me nuts. Even though we like each other we both tried to be just friends. However I found the sexual tension was unbearable as I have never been so strongly attracted to any man before in my life. I have always had very little or no interest in sex. Because we worked in the same place I had the opportunity to get to know him and for the first time in my life I feel emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to someone. I married very young and inexperienced and feel trapped in my marriage because of the children. It is now 6 weeks since I saw him and have cut off contact but he is still living in my head. I miss him terribly. Right now I have left my job, broken contact, taken up new interests, taken up running and more exercise, emphasised his negatives, written journals and affirmations and started self hypnoticism but to no avail. now I am going into counselling. I can’t stop missing him and wishing things were different. I am quite mature in age and normally strongly self controlled but can’t understand why I am in this situation.

        1. Hi, I hope you’re doing well. Sorry for the very late reply I get carried away with other projects.

          Some people suppress emotions and desires more than others, whether it be due to personality types, past experiences which can lead to defence mechanisms or perhaps even social pressures, beliefs and influences.

          When certain things are suppressed they can build up and it takes a certain trigger to unleash these feelings. The trigger would seem like the strong attraction you have for this guy, it has caused those suppressed feelings to surface.

          I can relate because I also tend to suppress my emotions. One way to deal with this is to realise that the suppression is happening, and to not let certain feelings build up, so to learn to express your desires rather than to suppress them.

  9. Hi i need some guidance that could really help my situation right now, im dating a girl but she has a 5 years relationship with a guy and by the way im also a girl . I just recently know that shes cheating with his boyfriend, i even ask her why shes doing that but she keeps on saying i dont know that can it be that she love me and his boyfriend. I cant let go of her because i feel that she needs a person to be with her to remind her to chill or be positive shes very a hard working woman. Were like bestfriends but lately i think about her too much that its affecting my work and my life. My friends are asking why am i still staying and the only thing im thinking why is because i want her to know that theres so many guys out there unlike her boyfriend right whos very childish, insecure and even a mama’s boy. I think she feel obligated because of the 5 years relationship, but really i dont know what to do. Im stuck between staying coz i know she needs a friend and saying goodbye because this is complicated. I need your opinion, i havent been in relationship deep like this before lets just say im also an inexperience when it comes to commitment, and im really thankful if you guys help me out.

  10. It’s not easy when you have to see the person everyday. Then you have to act natural when you feel extremely nervous because of how you feel. I know that what I feel is not real but its still hard. I have to keep myself distracted and distant at work

  11. Hi.. im infantuated with someone, and i dont think is going to end like ever.. to overcome that i started to talk to someone else but i dont feel better i feel more anxious that this another girl will leave me too i dont know what to do! Please tell me something to overcome this! Its killing me!

  12. Hi All…
    I had a brief encounter (ok affair) with someone earlier in the year. He gave me everything I’ve wished, hoped and asked for from my husband. I can’t stop thinking about this man, who would not let go of my hand, who would scoop me up and tell me I know him so well and that I just ‘get him’ and that he would tell me that I’m who he’s been looking for to cherish him and be cherished by him. My husband isn’t like this and I wish he was. I keep comparing my husband (partner of 18 years) to him and even though there’s total rational thoughts about winding it on a couple of years, I feel that I now know that what I’ve wanted could be out there. Also, we’ve not been in touch for absolutely months; I’m wondering if I had closure by seeing him again and not through rose tinted glasses that I’ve worn for months, would help me stop the infatuation… it’s stopping me focus on what matters with my family life and husband. There’s so many gaps that would give more info to this but this is what it is in brief… any light shed would be gratefully received. Thank you… Jackie

    1. Hi Jackie.
      It’s difficult to answer this. Some men know exactly the right thing to say. It’s impossible for me to know if hes just expressing himself or telling you what you want to hear.

      Very difficult without knowing more. Seeing him again may allow you to see a different side to him which may allow the infatuation to go, or it may not. The other option is to give it enough time to pass.

      Do you think hes genuine or perhaps a manipulator?

    2. Jackie, I am wondering if and how you successfully managed through this. I am literally going through the same and can completely relate. Did you get closure? Did you manage to stay in touch with him? Is the affair over? If possible, I would love to talk to you about it since your story is so relatable for me. Thanks.

  13. I’m deeply infatuated with my best friend of almost 2 years. We study counselling together at Uni and when I’ve made my feelings known to her, she told me we couldn’t start a relationship while on the course together as it would be too difficult to manage a breakup and come into Uni.

    I’ve never experienced such acceptance and emotional intimacy from anyone in my life. I’m absolutely besotted with her but she tells me beautiful things and then talks about the future and worries about finding a man. I’m a man…

    She has helped me through hard times and I have driven 70 miles in the middle of the night to be with her when she was suicidal. She has taught me so much about myself and life and says that she’s never met anyone like me. We had a fight and didn’t speak for 3 months, during this time she had an affair with a married man but it crushed her and she came back to me and our friendship. She pushes and she pulls me and is vague about our future. We have one more year of study left and only when we finish will I know for sure. But it’s killing me in the meantime.

    I’m obsessed and it hurts, I can’t sleep. I tried to breakaway from her but she hooked me back in by telling me I saved her from suicide and that I’m her rock. She tells me she loves me but I don’t know if that’s true. We are totally enmeshed together and dependent but she says we are both too broken to be together. Can this change??

    Please help.

    1. Hey.
      It’s tough to deal with I know. Being too available can destroy attraction which could be the reason why she doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with you. Difficult I know, but I would advise distancing yourself from her a bit and then focus on other girls, and/or different passions you may have. Get more options, don’t obsess over any one person. The more options you have the more attractive you will become.

      Understand that these types of feelings are common, they come and go. It’s great that you helped her and I’m sure she appreciates it, but you also need to look after yourself.

  14. I got obsessed with a man for almost 3 years. After a while I find out he has a wife and a kid, many times when we talked I asked him if he was seeing someone yet he never told me; at the end he twist things as it is me the derange as he quoted. Never happend in my life, hope it will never happens in my life again. After so much toying I felt like a gigantic idiotm, luckily for me, I am not the woman who carriers his child and have to live with this kind of person I feel sorry for her cause she actually move to another country fsr away from him, the danhers of infstuatuon when meeting a narcissist can be detrimental.

  15. Hi I have been struggling for a while now i used to talk to this boy online we don’t talk anymore but i can’t stop thinking about him, i am trying to keep myself busy but i still think about him i don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi Tanya, try to really pick apart your feelings and the situation, you’ll need to make a conscious effort to do this, it can really help to disarm your feelings.

      The idea behind this is to engage your more rational mind which can in part override your emotional brain. It can help, but it does require effort and focus. Plus, it might be a good idea to get some other romantic options. Hope this helps.

  16. I have done almost everything to completely forget the particular person I got infatuated with including blocking her Phone Number and blocking her on all Social Networks.The Major Reason was spoiling Relationships with Common Friends of us.The entire episode had left a bad impression about me for them.Still I somewhat find it a bit difficult to completely erase her off fully.

  17. I don’t know what this is it sounds feels like infatuation I meet this guy a year ago what started as just hanging around with each other I really enjoy how he talks to me he has so many flaws that I see but I chose to ignore them he treats me really bad verbally abusive but I continue to chase him with no regards to my self he steps all over me verbally and I continue to persue him he continues to tell me he feels nothing for me and I continue to look for him I think about him most of the day I just like to be around him I find him so mysterious and self content non emotional towards me. I feel so tired and depress just thinking it has to end I am not well I get hyper around him and feel happy around him but I know this is bad it is so bad and I want to end it so bad but I can I find myself calling him and texting him all the time I feel so needy and embarrassed I feel like a fool but I continue in this pattern its been 10 months he is being trying to leave me and I continue to look for him I cant bare the idea of losing him help me!!!!!

    1. Hi Angela

      I can relate to your emotional pain, but I can’t really add more than what is already on this page. However, I will say something that I believe could help long term. Self-esteem is often why some people place so much value on others, we sometimes perhaps often look for others to make us feel good. If others have the power to make us feel good, they also have the power to cause us pain.

      I will tell you something that has helped me more than anything else and it’s connected to this website. I once placed so much value on the opinions of others, which made me vulnerable, including being vulnerable to developing infatuations.

      However, in recent years something has changed within me, I can feel it, I see people differently now. It’s a inner confidence that has come from my pursuit for answers and knowledge. I now understand so much more than I ever did, and to a degree, I even understand many people better than they know themselves.

      So my advice would be to seek knowledge and understanding in order to improve your self-esteem. Personality psychology would be a good place to start. Two personality models I often research is the Myers Briggs Personality Indicator, and the Big Five Personality Traits.

      If you have never looked into these models before you might be surprised by how much they help you understand yourself and others.

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