Are you always thinking about someone and you want it to stop? Tips on how to overcome your obsessing thoughts. Stop letting an infatuation or an obsession over a girl or guy control your life. Obsessing and constantly thinking about someone is often mistaken for love or being in love with somebody, however they are different things.
Definition or meaning of infatuation
Infatuation is a short term almost obsessive interest in somebody, sometimes confused with love. Infatuation is an irrational need for somebody, similar to a strong crush or lust.
People who are infatuated or obsessed with somebody tend to become blinded by their feelings, only seeing the positive in that person. They often see certain situations to be more special than they really are and assign meaning to things when there is none. They often completely fail to see negative personality traits of the person that they are obsessed with.
Having an infatuation for somebody is an emotional roller coaster. It can cause great joy, happiness and contentment, however it can also be equally as bad causing great sadness, stress and emotional pain.
How to know if you are infatuated?
- Are you constantly thinking or day dreaming about that person?
- Does the thought of being away from them, in another country for example cause you emotional distress?
- Do you feel the need to spy on that person, or even stalk them?
Overcome an infatuation & stop obsessing
Love or Infatuation?
Firstly understand the difference between love and infatuation because infatuation is often mistaken for love. Love involves knowing a person very well, understanding their positives and their flaws. Infatuation is blind, irrational and you can be infatuated with somebody you barely know or have never even met.
Are you projecting?
Understand mental projection, because some of these great qualities that we see in someone is largely just projecting our own good qualities onto them. So that would mean in some ways we are actually obsessed with ourselves.
Infatuation is common
Understand your infatuation is not unique. It may seem unique to you, especially if it’s the first time you have felt that way, however these feelings are very common. There will be thousands of people feeling the exact same way for someone else. Plus you will probably feel the exact same way for somebody else in the not too distant future (try to avoid this!).
Understand what is happening to your brain when you feel that way. When the infatuation starts your brain starts to produce dopamine which is a natural stimulate, it changes the wiring in our brains, it also increases the body’s production of adrenaline. The effect on our brains has been described as similar to the effects of cocaine.
Work to improve your self esteem and self image. Having a low self esteem can be a big factor in why some people develop infatuations for people. Often people will assign higher social status to others, putting them on a pedestal.
You need to work on being the center of your own universe and being on top of your own pedestal. To help achieve this, you can work on improving yourself, physically and mentally. Those who are high on trait neuroticism can struggle with their confidence and overall negative emotions. See the big five traits for more on this.
When we develop an infatuation for somebody, especially if you don’t actually know that person very well we create an image of that person, an idealistic version of them. However this idealistic person is nothing more than a fantasy, a creation of our own imagination, we create the perfect person or situation. So the infatuation that can develop for someone is only actually an infatuation with an almost imaginary person, a person that doesn’t actually exist.
If that person does something that doesn’t fit in with that self created imaginary person or situation, the idealistic image will be broken and the infatuation can disappear just as quickly as it was created.
Some people are naturally more inward thinking and self reflexive than others. If that inward thinking starts to focus on a particular person it can increase the chance of an infatuation developing. Inward thinkers are more likely to over think a situation and assign meaning to events that might not be there, and more likely to focus their thoughts on a particular person.
There is a personality type known as sensor or intuitive, the strong intuitive types are often in their heads assigning meaning to situations and events. The strong sensor types are paying a great deal of attention to their surrounding, paying attention to details and living in the moment. Strong sensors are less likely to develop infatuations because they generally don’t over think, they don’t have the time to over think, they’re too busy paying attention to the now.
If you’re a strong intuitive, (especially an introverted intuitive) you can work on your sensing function. To do this, simply start practicing living in the moment, being observant and paying attention to details. You will have to consciously work at this, however it should become more natural in time.
If you’re very introverted, it would also be recommended to work on your extroverted side to improve those skills.
- Meet new people.
- Take up new hobbies.
- Create new distractions.
- Keep your life busy and active.
Infatuations are simply obsessions that can be very dangerous if they go out of control. Don’t let what is only a short term brain chemical reaction affect your life negatively.